Dirty Socks

A family went away for a vacation one spring. Since it was outside of the normal heating season, they didn’t arrange for their neighbours to check on the house. The neighbours took the dog, but no one was worried about frozen pipes and the plants would be okay for a week.

The vacation was great. It was warm and the food was top notch. Dad’s new driver was a winner on the golf course. Mom breezed through a couple of summery novels. The kids swam every day — they didn’t even fight.

The sun was shining the day the family arrived back in Nova Scotia. Birds were singing and buds were out on the trees. The last dirty piles of reluctant snow were gone. It seemed that Dad had timed their vacation perfectly. He smiled as they pulled into the driveway and Mom put her hand on his thigh. “That was just what we all needed hon,” she said. “Thanks for making sure we got away this year.”

While Dad and the kids were unloading the luggage from the jeep, Mom popped up the steps to the house. She fished the keys from her purse and unlocked the door. But as soon as it swung open, a poisonous odour seeped out. She reeled back, gagged, then grasped for the handle to pull the door shut again. “Harold,” she turned and said, “call the police!”

The police arrived and entered the house. The smell inside was wretched, like a million dirty socks. It seemed that something had died and started decomposing. A racoon perhaps, or heaven forbid, a person?

After several minutes, the police reemerged. They weren’t smiling, but they didn’t seem disturbed. “Mam,” said the head officer, “it’s your carpets — I’m afraid the basement flooded, probably last weekend. There’s a heck of a lot of mildew.”

Insurance paid for the clean up in this case, but water damage claims can be tricky. It’s not a bad idea to get someone to check on the house whenever you’re away. At the very least it may save you a shock when you return.